I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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