You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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