Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
