So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Mom said you looked used
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize