he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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