VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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