Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
