Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
