ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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