Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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