Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize