Banned from zoo.
Again?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize