VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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