Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize