That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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