The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
