What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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