This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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