do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
