it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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