I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
no you cant smoke seaweed
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
