I wannas sexs uuuuu
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
