I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I want to have your abortion
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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