mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
