trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize