I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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