so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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