dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
