OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
