I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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