then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
