Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
