You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
