Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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