guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
