She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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