it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
