Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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