I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
