I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
