Screwed.edu
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
