Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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