I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
