if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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