I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
