the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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