Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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