and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize