So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
honey bunches of taint.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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