Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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