dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Houston, we have a squirter
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
