i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
sex in a hospital.. check
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
