I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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