you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
