You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
