I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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