before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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