Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
