sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
A+ Viking dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
