shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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