That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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