So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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