this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
