1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
