I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
