Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
