She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
