A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
