Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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