ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
