Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
