you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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