Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
