I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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