I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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